cinta dan ego

seorang sahabat berkata padaku:

Cinta dan Ego bagaikan 2 sisi mata uang, Yin dan Yang.
Tidak bersifat positif maupun negatif. Kesatuan 2 sisi yang bersifat netral.

Hakikat mendasar manusia adalah untuk MENcintai.
Dan ego dasar kita adalah untuk DIcintai.
Cinta dan Ego 2 kutub yang berlawanan. 2 Hal yang harus ada dalam setiap hubungan
Dan bagaikan 2 sisi mata uang berbeda kutub,namun saling mengikat.
Dan bila kita tidak hati-hati, bisa mengacaukan dan membingungkan hubungan.

Ketakutan, kekhawatiran kita adalah bagian dari ego, yang melemahkan
Cinta Yang Menguatkan

AntiEGO adalah CINTA
AntiCINTA adalah EGO

EGO MEMISAHKAN
CINTA MENYATUKAN

TO LOVE.......in the purest form

i love you

home is where the heart is

no matter where we are

home is where the heart is...

it need not be a house

cause a house is not a home when you're heart is not there

so true...it's just undeniable

a home is where we can be ourselves and at ease

a home is where we turn for refuge

where is my home?

personal dentist

One of my dearest and closest friend is also my personal dentist.
Anita and I went back a long way of our friendship since junior high.
2.5 weeks ago, my tooth was partially broken. And it was not comfortable since only half of my tooth was still there. I met her for brunch 2 days after the tooth tragedy, and of course i told her about it.

Both of us were super hectic with work these past months. So, it was a bit difficult to find time that agrees with her schedule and mine to fix my tooth. Last week she text and propose appointment for today.

I was so touched that she went all the way to one of her clinic where she practice so i can have this tooth fixed. While today is not her schedule at all, she's suppose to be at Cibitung for her regular schedule.

Thanks a lot dear.....uuh what will i do without you?

li manco

to the bone

At Last

Finally.......

4th of July 2007 - 11 AM
DKSH TUNGGAL declared that their SAP system is LIVE

After 3 months of delay due to many political aspects.
After long hours and overnights at work
After marathon discussions and debates
After so many change requests
After thousands of rows and columns
After sleepless nights

Finally.......

FACES

00:38

its 00:38 AM

and still no signs....we can go home and rest

can somebody stop the project??
only for tonight

NO NEWS MEANS GOOD NEWS?

Sebagai makhluk sosial, sangat wajar kalo kita selalu saling mengabari dengan keluarga, teman, rekan kerja, klien. Ada jenis orang yang perlu untuk sms-telpon di setiap jam. Ada lagi yang malah tidak pernah ngabarin sama sekali. KECUALI, ya hal yang mendasar. Contoh: masuk rumah sakit dan gak ada yang jagain, mau kawin ini aja belum tentu ngasi tauu (hehe gue juga bakalan gitu sih, its a private stuff tokh), mau pindah negara, mau ganti nama.

Yah, sederhananya NO NEWS MEANS GOOD NEWS ???

Sedikit melenceng dari topik inti, yah buat gue dan teman2 team project agak nyambung sedikit.
Agak mendebarkan juga sedikit di kantor belakangan. Minggu depan project yg sudah berbulan2 ini akhirnya GO LIVE juga. Untuk memastikan semuanya berjalan lancar, dari master data, infrastruktur, koneksi jaringan, kesiapan hardware (komputer,printer). Dilakukanlah yang namanya "STRESS TEST", ya itu untuk mengetes semua aspek, berapa kuat stressnya. Termasuk konsultannya hahahaha.....apakah cukup tahan stress? ditest dulu dongg....9 bln terakhir ini kurang rupanya....huh dasar client...

Naaah, Rabu 2 hari lalu diadakan sekali lagi stress test tersebut. Biasanya, email, telpon, instant message, atau bahkan user2nya langsung berdatangan melaporkan masalah gak bisa jalanin transaksi, gak bisa ngeprint, datanya gak muncul etc. BIASANYA!!!

Tentunya gue dan teman2, jadi merasa aneh...kok sampe jam sekian, belum ada masalah yang dilaporkan, yang harus dibenerin. So, gue berpikir yah no news means good news........artinya (berharap) semua sudah lancar dan bisa diatasi sendiri oleh user2 tersebut.

Balik lagi ke inti, sahabatkyu si cerleeehh (salah satu orang terantik yang gue kenal) juga penganut paham NO NEWS MEANS GOOD NEWS. Nah, sebelum dia menikah akhir tahun lalu. Dia dan Kun (skrg suaminya) berbeda benua, Kun di Jerman untuk study S3 dan Cerlih di Indonesia.

Pastinya tiap orang/pasangan punya perbedaan dalam gaya komunikasi dan hubungan. Kalo buat gue, penting banget untuk berkomunikasi setiap hari, paling tidak dalam satu hari ada lah sms atau telpon atau email atau chat. Just to let them know that you're in my thoughts gitu loh...sesibuk apapun gue.

Nah, kebutuhan Kun dan Cer (paling gak waktu itu lohh..gak tau ya skarang :D peace Cer!!! :p) untuk mendengar suara satu sama lain itu tidak sebanyak gue. Menurut Cer sih, "yah kalau sampai 2 minggu gak ada kabar apa2, artinya dia baik2 saja tokh." hualaaahhh.....kalo gue mah dah jungkir balik deh :"> hihihihi.

Then, sometimes after the wedding, Kun dah balik ke Jerman dan Cer masih di sini sambil nunggu visa-nya di approve. Cer sakit, jadi gak bisa online di YM maupun HP nya hidup (secaraaaaa...chargernya hpnya hidup segan mati tak mau hahaha). Sehingga sudah beberapa hari Kun tidak bisa menghubungi Cer, dan Cer pun terlalu sakit untuk ngasi tau kalo dirinya sakit. Alhasil si Kun dengan paniknyaYM ke gue dan menanyakan keberadaan istrinya, apakah ada di rumah gue atau dimana hihihi......

So, apakah NO NEWS MEANS GOOD NEWS? belum tentuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Expectation Reduces Happiness

I wrote this back in 2006

**************************************************************************

A good friend of mine once told me, "expectation reduces happiness".

He explained, most of the time (for not saying ALWAYS) people tend to have high expectations for everything. Whether it's situation at work, expectation that others would do or say that please us, or just about weather. When things are not the way we like them to be, we become unhappy, sad, disappointed. On the contrary, when we receive or experience good things that are not expected, we become happy, feel so lucky.

That explains the phrase "expectation reduces happiness". My friend made a good point. This mental state helps him to stay grounded and prevent disappointments over silly matters.

A simple statement, yet it is so true..........i am still trying to keep that in mind. Every time i become 'unhappy' over something that i should not waste too much of energy fretting about.

How about you guys?....

***************************************************************************

Well, its mid of year 2007 already. I still use the phrase often, to my self and to my friends. Ah, maybe it's wiser to say that it is alright to have expectations, but we ought to strive to keep our expectations GROUNDED. Another good friend of mine keep reminding myself with this phrase this past semester "manage your expectations"

In the midst of emotions, ego, feelings, confusions, sentimental atmosphere. It's easy to get carried away and lose our perspectives. And to stay grounded with our hopes and expectations. So darn difficult huh? well at least for me.

I believe that all that comes my way are learning process to complete my soul.

Still.....in completion process....till my dying day

ik houdt van u

Sudah jauh larut....matamu belum terpejam....
Pikiranmu belum tuntas terurai juga....
Tubuh renta yang bertahan dalam gelisahnya asa....

Apa yang selalu menghantui pikir dan kuatirmu?
Tenangkan hati, agar nyaman ragamu.....
Dalam sepi harimu dan sunyi hatimu.....
Maafkan saya yang tidak cukup banyak mendampingimu....
Yang membuatmu resah karena saya belum berada di rumah saat matahari telah jauh padam

u bent altijd in mijn hart en gedachten
Opa, ik houdt van u

rasa

kita tidak pernah tahu.....

kenapa rasa itu datang...
kenapa rasa itu pergi....
kenapa rasa itu tidak datang jua....
kenapa rasa itu tidak pergi saja....

kapan rasa itu datang...
kapan rasa itu pergi...

apa karena kita tidak mengijinkannya datang...
karena kita takut....
takut kalau dia pergi...
takut kalau tidak mampu mengendalikannya...
takut kalau harus kehilangannya...

dan kita tidak mengijinkannya pergi...
setelah rasa itu memenuhi hari-hari ...
memenuhi seluruh kepala dan logika....
menguasai seluruh hati...
membutakan seluruh jiwa....

perlukah alasan?
perlukah penjelasan?
perlukah pembenaran?
perlukah pembelaan?

Hell Yeah!!!!!!!

Last year i bought Wimar Witoelar's biography 'Hell Yeah' written by Fira Basuki.
I am not really a person who read biographies, yet Hell Yeah seems very light and interesting.
Thus, i bought, read and very inspired by WW's life.

I tried my luck and emailed him, to my surprise he replied. To make the long story short, i was just an observer of his perspektif, and media activities.

One day 2 weeks ago, i dropped a hello message in his YM.
And the highlight was our first meeting yesterday evening.

4 hours of total blast of fun, and laughter and sharing.........
Truly a memorable moments.........
It's been a while since i laugh out loud....
Truly honored to know WW personally....

WW....SALUTE!!!!!!

I do believe we will continue to be good friends :D

Souvenirs

Frozen

Sumpeeeeeeee dingin buanget nih kantor.
Ntah kenapa 3 hari ini, ac centralnya menghembuskan badai angin yang super super dingin....
sampe beku jari....
sampe nyut nyut kepala
sampe kebelet pipis terus
sampe pengen makan terus
hueaaaah..............gimana sih...

beku deh otak gue

my favourite rice porridge

Bubur ini adalah favorit gue. Lokasinya sih jangan ditanya ya, kalo emang gak biasa ngemper...well, siap2 surprise. Letak warungnya persis di samping ex bioskop Nusantara di Jatinegara, depan GPIB Koinonia.





Paling nikmat, makan bubur ayam dengan paru plus sambal kacang dan extra krupuk plus emping. Total yang harus dibayar paling 15.000, kecuali jeroannya nambah ya :D
Enjoy

Morning Bliss

berniat untuk memperbaiki gaya hidup dan meningkatkan kesehatan, so skarang gue tiap hari(Berusahaaaa) jalan pagi di Taman Suropati, kalau jalan kaki sih skitar 10 menit dari rumah gue. berhubung tentunya males donggg....ya 3 menit nyetir lah dari rumah. Nah here goes some the bliss in the morning that i get......i am lucky to be able to enjoy this bliss near by.

More bliss

4 in the morning

Gwen Stefani ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

95 - 60

Normal Blood Pressure rate according to medical world is :

120 - 80

I got mine checked today and voila.......

Systolic : 95
Diastolic : 65

huwaaaaaaaaah...kacau....and this is rather a good typical day for me.


Hari ini aku bertekad untuk :

Jalan Pagi setiap hari (mungkin kecuali hari Sabtu dan Minggu kali yeeeeeee heheheh) di Taman Suropati or Taman Menteng.

Dengan target:

1. improve my blood pressure rate
2. lebih sehat tentunya
3. menurunkan beberapa kilogram lagi dari badan ini

Doakaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn......................... :D

no longer

I've learned from childhood that friends may come and go.
Those who still stay throughout the journey are truly precious.

as for you...who once called yourself sister...

thank you for showing me your true heart
i am blessed that you are no longer a friend of mine

always on your side

a verse from "always on your side" by Sheryl Crow and Sting

my new favorite tune

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well they say that love is in the air, never is it clear
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away
Leavin’ me to carry on and wonder why
Was it you that kept me wandering through this life
When you know that I was always on your side
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

last few days, i feel flat for most of the time during the day.
Biasanya, for those who know me well, aku sering terseret yang namanya mood swings.
Apakah hormon (let's blame it on the hormones huh :D) di tubuhku ini lagi liburan ntah kemana. Sehingga aku pun juga libur dari riak2 perasaan yang mengisi hari2ku berbulan2 ini.

Manis,pahit,senang,sedih,kesal,biasa,gembira,kecewa, tidakperduli,perduli,sayang,benci,rindu,kangen,marah.
Semua rasa yang membuatku tersenyum, yang membuat airmataku mengalir,
yang membuat hatiku perih, yang membuatku bersyukur karena Tuhan memberiku
kesempatan untuk merasa, yang membuat dadaku terasa sesak, yang membuatku merasa lega, yang membuatku merasa aku dicintai, yang menyadarkanku betapa aku mencinta.

Last night, just before i dozed off to sleep, that little feeling which was filling my days before emerged.

Was it you that kept me wandering through this life?
When you know that I was always on your side

Ah well, this is weekend....i am going to enjoy it......
Happy Weekend everyone........

Surabaya - Business Trip

Starting from May 24th to 28th 2007, i went to Surabaya for business trip.
My ongoing project is in the phase of Final Preparation for Go-Live next July 2007.
Thus, there i was in Surabaya for Training Support.

24 May 2007

Left home around 7.30 am to Soekarno-Hatta International Airport. My flight was 9.00 AM JKT-SUB with GA 306. Arrived at Juanda Surabaya Airport at 10.15 AM. Mr. Edwin Sutresman (DKSH T Sby BM) has been waiting and we went straight to DKSH Tunggal Surabaya Branch at Rungkut area.

SD Module EUT for East Indonesia region has started from 9AM with 10 participants coming from Surabaya,Malang, Manado, Makasar,Jogyakarta,Solo,Semarang,Balikpapan and Samarinda branches. First day training finished around 6 PM.

Then, Mr. Kholili (DKSH T Sby Deputy BM) drove me to Novotel Hotel. I was informed that reservation was made for me. I checked in at Front Desk and tadaaa......my name WAS NOT there in the reservation. What the$%^&*()? after lots of phone calls here and there, i found out, that the secretary booked Somerset Hotel instead!!! oh dear!!! please deh, i was exhausted and expecting to rest in the next upcoming minutes.......Luckily, Mr. Kholili was kind enough to return to Novotel and drove me to Somerset.

My relatives from my Dad's side live in Surabaya, they could not wait to see me. Since it's been a while since i visited Surabaya. They arrived at Somerset shortly after i checked in. I took a quick shower and we went out for dinner at nearby Pujasera. Surabaya is a haven for great food indeed!! Tahu Campur Lamongan, Semanggi (Semanggi leaves, and special sauce made from tapioka), Mie Kluntung, Es Tape Degan yumyumyumm. Afterwards, i was back at hotel.

Arghh...long day indeed....

Click here for Day 1 Pics

25 May 2007

After breakfast at hotel, errghh so so breakfast. Somerset definitely need to improve their quality of food. Not much interesting happen today. I am happy to notice that training participants are quite receptive and proactive.

26 May 2007

It's Saturday!!! Weekend!! Yet, i would be spending it at work. I don't mind, this is one of most interesting phase of the project.
Ko Januar and Kong Fantjhiang picked me at at Rungkut office around 6 PM. We went to their house at Mulyosari area. My beloved Kong Fantjiang (He's my grandmother's brother in law. His wife is my grandma's younger sister), prepared Pangsit Mie specially for me. This family were in food business for a long time. I remember the old days when they were still living in Probollingo. They run small restaurant and every year during school holiday, with my family i visited them. And always fun spending time with them. We went for Jagung bakar after that and visit Ci Inneke in Argomulyo area. I was very happy to spend time with them.

Click here for Day 3 Pics

27 May 2007

Happy Sunday everyone!! Today, training session ended around 3.30. The ladies would like to do some shopping. I think it's ok, since we've covered most of the training materials and tomorrow we'll be able to wrap all things up.

Spend the evening with the relatives again, dinner and coffee at Tunjungan Plaza

Click here for Day 4 Pics


28 May 2007

Last day in Surabaya, check out from hotel early morning. Finalized the training, say goodbyes with the participants. It has been 5 great days spending time with them.
My flight was for 7 PM, i arrived at Juanda Airport around 5 minutes before 6 AM. Lucky me, Garuda offered to fly with the 6 PM flight, there were still seats available. Of course i said yes, they informed me that the 7 PM flight will be delayed 1.5 hourse...phiuuhhh..


Click her for Day 5 Pics

It has been a tiring trip, yet i did have lots of fun too.

Watch

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Watch your thoughts; they become words
Watch your words; they become actions
Watch your actions; they become habits
Watch your habits; they become character
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

mental illness

i am sick and tired of missing you....
love is a mental illness....

everybody asked "why do you love him?"
the one who doesn't bother to love you as much as you love him
the one who doesn't care when you're in pain for missing him

i dont know, i dont know how, i dont know why
i dont care either....i simply feel...

is it love? is it infatuation? or obsession?
maybe it is love......and infatuation....and obsession....
why does it has to be you?... i dont know...i dont care..i simply feel

aren't you sick and tired too?

why can we just love?
pure and simple love.....holding on to each other

i am ill.......for loving you
for wishing you are here with me now.....

Regret

There are four things you cannot recover:

the stone after the throw,
the word after it is said,
the occasion after the loss,
the time after its gone.

I read this in one of newly favored Indonesian columnist, Samuel Mulia. He quoted his friend in his weekly column of Kompas Daily. Read on from here.

So true, we might regret what we throw, words which we've said, occasion which we've loss and the time after it's gone.

We might regret for not doing things differently, might regret for saying the words or even regret for NOT saying it.

I am in constant learning for not regretting anything.
Everything must have it's purpose in our journey.

WHOPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hallelujaaaah.......
We are blessed with WHOPPER - Burger King for dinner today.
For free of course, we are working to meet the deadlines.
So, the boss provides dinner. It has been weeks of this dinner pattern: Nasi Goreng Bakmi GM - Hoka Hoka Bento - KFC. And the round starts from Nasi Goreng again.

So...nyam nyam nyammmmmmmmmmmmm...ancur deh diet gue.....hahah

Early Birthday Present - The Witch of Portobello

My birthday is still 2 months away, and today i got a lovely surprise.

I have always treasured Paulo Coelho's writings, and definitely his new book "The Witch of Portobello" is on my top book hunting list.

I asked Caca to buy it for me at Borders,today she succesfully refused my money for the book. Instead, she gave it to me as early birthday present. Thanks a lot ya Ca!!

This has made my day indeed............

Soltius Team for DKSH Indonesia - Pegasus Roll Out

Soltius Team (not complete though, since some were in meetings) for DKSH Indonesia - SAP R/3 Pegasus Roll Out

Faces before GO- LIVE....let us see what happened after weekends at office and Post Go Live support.


Pictures: courtesy of Krisna Dipajana

Never Alone

Never Alone!

He can calm the troubled waters
When you walk in dark despair.
There is hope when you feel helpless
Knowing that the Lord is there...

Sharing in your sunshine moments
Or in valleys deep and wide,
He is always by your side.

There's no other friend so faithful
Through the sunshine and rain,
Through the teardrops and the laughter,
In your joy and in your pain.

We could never, ever thank Him
For His love He gives so free,
Never changing...never ending
Throughout all eternity.

Oh, the wonder of all wonders
As we live from day to day,
Knowing that we have a Father
Who is with us all the way.


Poet, Gertrude B. McClain

witch

seems like i need to retreat and gather my energy and wisdom.
lately i am feeling like a evil witch....easily snapped, high pitch voice produced from my throat. Even the sound of it disturbed me sometime. I said many things that should not be said.
I react with emotions that were not appropriate. I feel things that should not be felt anymore.

dear kriwil

my kriwil..........

should not be missing you......
should not be thinking of you.......
should not be hoping you'll be missing me too.....
should not be hoping you'll think of me too......

my heart cries.....

i miss you....
i am thinking of you......

overheat

my notebook's fan just RIP few days ago, and i was just too lazy to go to my office to get it fixed.
Since, i've tons to do at my project, i barely can even fulfill my basic needs to pee frequent enough.......either stuck in front of the overheated notebook, or running here and there attending calls.

And this notebook bener panas....as in panas..i can barely place my hand on top of the harddisc area. So, walau hari ini kerjaan setinggi mount everest, i went to office anyway, daripada meledak kan. Sampai kantor, gak ada spare part, service ke service center kelamaan. I need my notebook to work.

And berhubung akan dicariin dulu spare part fan nya, sementara, i have to use "Notebook Cooler Pad"buset deh...tebel bener..........walo lumayan banget sih...but..gak asik aja dehhhhhhhhhhhhh


blaah....overheated.!!!!!!!!!!!
my brain overheated too......2 plus straight weeks leaving work after 8 or 9 pm.
bed-bathroom-car-office-car-bathroom-bed, that is my cycle of life these days......
although i like these period of phase in a project....the most interesting ;)
tapi basi juga ya.....ah well.....I am blessed.....

The Keys to My Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Why Should I Cry for you?

Under the dog star sail
Over the reefs of moonshine
Under the skies of fall
North, north west, the stones of Faroe

Under the Artic fire
Over the seas of silence
Hauling on frozen ropes
For all my days remaining
But would north be true?

All colours bleed to red
Asleep on the ocean's bed
Drifting in empty seas
For all my days remaining

But would north be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?
Dark angels follow me
Over the godless sea
Mountains of endless falling
For all my days remaining

What would be true?

Sometimes I see your face
The stars seem to lose their place
Why must I think of you?
Why must I?
Why should I?

Why should I cry for you?
Why would you want me to?
And what would it mean to say
That, "I loved you in my fashion"?

What would be true?
Why should I?
Why should I cry for you?

carry me in your heart

kau hadir mengisi hariku, menguasai hatiku

kau akan selalu ada di hatiku.....

one thing i ask of you......carry me in your heart too always....

susahnya ngajarin teknologi

Sering kan kalo kita tepisah dengan teman/keluarga di suatu mall (contohnya, supermarket dimana begitu banyak lorong, begitu banyak manusia, dan suara). Pusing kan loe gimana caranya ketemuinnya. Kalo orangnya bisa pulang sendiri sih sebodo.....gak ketemu2 ya udah...ntar ketemu di rumah. Masalah selesai.
Masalahnya, kalo model kakek gue....doooh....bisa sejam sendiri deh muter2..dia nyariin, kita nyariin....belum lagi dia pun sangat suka menjelajahi lorong2 di supermarket, terutama bagian elektronik dan pertukangan. Yah, kayak anak kecil dilepas di bagian mainan gituu....
Bedanya,si opa....selain demen ngeliatin itu barang2 besi, juga sering muter nyari stock kacang ijonya, ato snack2..contoh kripik pisang.
Sehinggaaaa...yaaaahah susah deeehhh ketemunya.

Karena itu, gue berinisiatif untuuukk menghibahkan hp lama gue (secaaarrra gue dah bli baru gitu) kepadanya. Dengan tujuan, kalo ilang, bisa ditelpon.
Tantangan selanjutnya: bagaimana mengajarkan beliau menggunakan hp.
Niatan awal (menurut gue sih idealnya): beliau cukup diajarkan untuk :

1. Kalau bunyi, pencet tombol 'hijau' terus 'HALOOOOOO'
2. Kalau mau telpon, pencet tobol hijau lagi...disini gue bermaksud untuk, membuat default Last Call itu, ya salah satu dari family member gitu looo.
Atau, pencet nomor 2 - 9 (Speed dial gituuuu)
3. Kalau garis di sblah kanan, tinggal 2, artinya musti di charge.

Nah, sampai disini, bisa lah dilalui (walo dengan susah payah juga yaa)

Tetapi, secaaraaa kakek gue itu berasa dia adalah ahli alat2 elektronik dan pertukangan (post power syndrom sedikit, mentang2 jaman dulu, eh sampe skarang sih, dia bisa benerin alat2 elektronik sendiri...TAPI BUKAN HP lah yaaauuu)...jadi serasa dapet mainan baru.
Beliau tidak merasa cukup dengan ketiga hal diatas juga....
1. minta diajarin ngisi phonebook ......yah lama deh..dan sampe skarang belum berhasil jg.
2. minta diajarin gimana SMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wataaaaaa mau sms ama sapa cobaa..wong tememn2nya jg gak pake hp lah yaaaaa...misal ada yang punya, ya gue yakin anak cucunya, punya maksud dan tujuan yang sama dengan gue. Untuk yang satu ini....belum ada yang mau ngajarin hiahaihaihaiiah

Terus,kasian juga sih dia, karna anak cucunya gak ada yang cukup sabar untuk ngajarin bagaimana menggunakan hp. Jadilah dia membaca juga MANUAL BOOK ihihi....tapi yah mungkin kecanggihan ato terlalu ribet...
Karena keingintahuannya dia.........maka si opa membuat manual booknya sendiri...

A. Untuk menyalakan:
1. Pencet tombol di atas hp
B. Untuk menerima telpon
1. pencet tombol warna hijau kiri atas
c. Untuk menelpon
1. Pencet tombol *
2. Pencet tombol hijau
Maksudnya unlock keypad dulu geto
3. nah..ini nih dia masih stuck..karena gayanya mau punya phonebook
sedangkan menurut kita...udah deh...pencet aja nomor 2 (speed dial)
D. UNtuk membaca SMS
....aarrraaaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

gue juga pernah ngalami frustasi yang lebih parah saat oom gue (yang dah mayan uzur jugaa tuuuuuuuuu :P...maaap Paaaahhh hihi ) perlu buat presentasi (baca: dengan graphic and tables etc) di power point (NAH LOOHHHHHHHHHHH) hare geneee ...ngajarin bikin power point!!!!
terus..mungkin dia putus asa kali ye...stiap kali minta diajarin sama ponakan tercintanya .....gue frustasi dia ngak mudeng2, dia frustasi karna gue cepet2 dan galak ahaha....
akhirnya, dia hire asisten..lulusan Amrik......huaah...dari dulu kek pah!!


beneran deh...putus asa gue.....beginikah nasip menjadi tua?
syuliiitt banget untuk mengerti teknologi baru?

sick

gak enak banget sakit..............hari ini terdampar di rumah.........karena kemarin panas dan demam. Ngerinya kan DB, secara lagi musim gitu loooo......
Kemaren sore langsung ke dokter....dan dikasi obat, well Haleluya dah gak merasa demam lagi hari ini, cuma leher masih sakit aja buat nelen.

really Health is Wealth......
we must strive for health.....

ah ngaco....maapkan, ini dari kepala gue yang rada puyeng2

hmm, kayanya waktu yang tepat buat nyelesaikan NLP for dummies....agak2 slow nih blakangan...

Choose

Baru selesai dan sedang membaca The monk who sold his ferarri by Robin Sharma and Neuro Linguistic Programming for dummies jadi terbuka mata...kalo:

we are the master of our own destiny, the power of mind....gak maksud melupakan Tuhan..terlepas dari konsep religi dan keimanaan..gue tetep percaya kalo Tuhan lah Maha segala...yet...sbagai makhluk ciptaan Tuhan tertinggi..kita diberikan privilege untuk MEMILIH

contoh:
mengenai jodoh...kalau kita dalam hubungan terus gak jadi..dibilang gak jodoh.
Apakah bisa kita aminkan, suami/istri itu adalah jodoh yg Tuhan tentukan untuk kita?
Kalo ternyata suami/istri kita tidak sesuai dengan harapan kita...lalu kita bilang...yah sudah jodohnya...

bukankah ini hanya kalimat pembenaran supaya hati dan jiwa tidak 'terlalu' kecewa'?

Kita diberikan kebebasan untuk memilih jalan hidup kita. Dan semua kembali kepada kita bagaimana menyikapi pilihan2 yang telah kita lakukan.

Kalo pilihan kita bagus...dan sesuai atau bahkan melebihi apa yang kita idamkan...kita berada di surga....
Tapi bila sebaliknya..dan kita tidak puas..dan merasa pahit dan kecewa...kita hidup dalam neraka...

so surga dan neraka......state of mind....kita yang memilih ingin berada di bagian yang mana.

Kita bisa berada dalam keadaan kecewa, marah, pahit akan situasi dan keadaan..akan orang2 di sekitar kita....dan we are constantly in self pity mode...WHY? WHY this happen to me? WHY the other person/other people do what they did to me? what did i do wrong?
dah kayak encyclopedia aja....why, what, and so on..and so on...

Butuh hati dan jiwa yang lapang dan kesadaran akan perasaan dan pikiran kita. Baik maupun buruk...kita tidak dapat menguasai atau menentukan bagaimana orang lain bersikap/berbuat/berkata2........hanya kita sendiri yang punya otoritas penuh untuk pikiran dan perasaan kita.

Kebanyakan dari kita( termasuk gue sendiri) lebih mudah menjadi reaktif.......kita harus belajar untuk lebih bijak dalam bereaksi terhadap input2 dari skitar kita..jelas, hal yang tidak dapat kita kontrol. Yang bisa kita kontrol bagaiamana kita meresponnya....

Dan sekarang.....gue masih belajar...dan belajar..dan belajarrrrrr....oh Lord, help me ....

dunno

* i am missing you already
i dunno whether you'll be missing me too


+ why are u saying like that?

jangan pernah ada pernah

jangan pernah ada pernah terucap lagi

aku benci kata itu...

karena cinta kita bukan pernah

tapi ada sekarang dan untuk selamanya

berhenti...berganti......

Ku ingin mengerti,
Bahwa rasa itu bisa berhenti...

Kan ku coba mengerti,
Bahwa rasa itu bisa berganti...

Jangan Lepas lagi..jangan sampai hilang,
Nanti akan tiba, Nanti pasti datang...

Left or Right?

You Are Right Brained In Love

Bit of a drama queen Peacemaker, first to end a fight Good at thinking up creative dates Tend to fall in love and get hurt easily Going with your gut instead of your head Emphathetic and caring, sometimes to a fault Good at recognizing patterns in relationships Been in love many times, perhaps too many to count Wildly passionate and intense when falling in love Spontaneous with relationships, going with the flow Overly visual - can play back past dates like movies in your mind Roses, love poems, and stuffed animals are a good start to winning your heart ttp://ynr.blogthings.com/areyourightbrainedorleftbrainedinlovequiz/

wish

wish you're right here with me now.....
i need to feel you

Mimpi

(Anggun - Best Of)

Dalam hitam kelap malam kuberdiri melawan sepi
disini, dimata ini telah terkubur sejuta kenangan
dihempas keras gelombang dan tertimbun batu karang
yang tak 'kan mungkin dapat terulang

wajah putih pucat pasih tergores luka dihati
matamu membuka kisah kasih asmara yang telah ternoda
hapuskan semua khayalan, lenyapkan satu harapan kemana lagi harus mencari

kau sandarkan sejenak beban diri,
kau taburkan benih kasih hanyalah emosi

melambung jauh terbang tinggi bersama mimpi
terlelap dalam lautan emosi
setelah aku sadar diri
kau t'lah jauh pergi
tinggalkan mimpi
yang tiada bertepi

kini hanya rasa rindu merasuk didada
serasa suka melayang pergi
membawa arus kasih membara

flat line

this day......

flat line

i only hear....tiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttt

our days

dear ior

tribute to our days together.........

love
yuli

mixed emotions

confusion.....perplexed.....mixed up...torn

wru

where are you?


i miss you.........

im home

aku sudah sampai di rumah....

i love you no matter what they say.....i will fight so hard for us

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

What Kind of Coffee Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofcoffeeareyouquiz/


And my result:


***You are a Black Coffee***


At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable

At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty

You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it

Your caffeine addiction level: high

At the beginning

* for my love....in the end i want to be standing at the beggining with you*


We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me, I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody somewhere
I need love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing is going to tear us apart

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

Life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin' on
Starting out on a journey

And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'

In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning
With you .......................................



(sung by Richard Marx and Donna Lewis)

lutju

3 minggu ini and counting, mungkin sampe 4-6 minggu ke depan, Cerlihh my sidekick is staying at my house. Secaraaa....visa buat nyusul hubbynya di Jerman sana belum keluar dr embassy. Juga, mengingat kebutuhan dia untuk tidur setiap hari MINIMAL 10 JAM (ck..ck...ck),sedangkan jika dia tinggal bersama kakaknya di Serpong, tentunya tidak mungkin tercapai karena harus tiba di kantor paling tidak jam 9 pagi. Yah, akhirnya jadilah Cerlihh sebagai penghuni baru di rumah gue. Dan hari ini, sudah 2 kali dia mengucapkan kata 'lutju', pertama dia kagum karena bisa download file dan simpan di desktop --> dibilang 'lutju'. Kedua, mnurutnya email address dia di kantor 'lutju'--> agak2 aneh lagi ck ck ck.......memang dia LUTJU hahaah

Dan tentunya, ini bukan hal baru sih, secara dia sering nginep juga sebelumnya. Well, hari2 belakangan ini jadi lebih banyak tawa and cekikikan sih akhirnya. Soalnya, kan kalo cuma bertiga sama si mbah n adikku yah sunyi sepi aja rumah.

Makin kagum juga sama keantikan sahabatku yang satu ini, udah tau sih keaneh2annnya..tapi makin geleng2 kepala aja. 2 hari yang lalu, dia tiba2 termenung n sepertinya berpikir keras. Gue tanya, 'napa sih?' dan jawabannya di luar dugaan (bikin geleng2 n ketawa sih jadinya) "gue lagi mempertimbangkan, mau mandi, boker atau tidur aja?' Gubraaaaaaaaaaaksssssssssssssssssss...............itu aja dipertimbangkaannnnnnnnnnnn, dengan emosi langsung gue balas ' itu adalah kegaitan yang berurutan, bukan untuk dipertimbangkan mana yang akan dilakukan'
halaaahhhhhhhh...kasian Kuncup....perlu penataran banyakkkkk buat bininya ini nanti huaah ..huaahh..........

Nah, semalam ada kejadian seru lagi. Menjelang jam 12 malam, gue dah nyaris tertidur, and si cerlih jelas sudah lelap ntah di alam mana. Tau2, terdengar dialog2 gaya sinetron di kamar sebelah. Oh dear, si adikku sedang bertengkar lagi dgn pacarnya...padahal kalo gak salah inget, hari minggu yang lalu pun sudah dilakukan. Kok gak bosen ye?hihihi....Yah sebodo deh, tapi kok ini makin lama makin seru, hampir 1 jam masih aja si adik merepet terus..makin heboh, dari ngantuk sampe jadi ikutan deg2an hihihi...Cerlih mengira, ada ceramah dr mesjid di belakang rumah hiahiahai.....ternyata!!! Akhirnya,kita berdua jadi seger, dan cekikikan plus penasaran, ribut kenapaa sih...yah nguping2 dikit laaaa....sungguh lutju adikku itu...

Hasilnya, tadi pagi kita kesiangaaannnn............yah Praise the Lord, jalanan tidak terlalu macet, so sampai kantor pun gak terlalu telat...errr, maksudnya gak terlalu lama telatnya dari telat yang biasa gue lakukan tiap hari hahaha.....

yah, sebentar lagi bisa pulang....kerjaan sih masih banyak..tapi kok gak mood yaa....padahal deadline besok....ahhh que sera sera...tar kali malem kejar setoran aja dr rumah..tokh tinggal copy, paste, replace, save....voila..DONE...

drained

drained....

it's been a rollercoaster week of emotion....

at work...so many things to finalized, minimum (just to tone down the word NO) support and or coordination from the client side. And until today, Friday that is!!! still lots of things that are with status 'OPEN'.....so difficult to catch these people!!!

in my sentimental life,.........just wanna be close.....come home soon!!!
hope you'll understand that sometimes i just can't help being so miserable for missing you, eventhough its not yet 24 hours passed by since we last talked.........

no more

There will be no more goodbyes
I am here to love you
I am here to stay
No matter what the world may say
There will be no more goodbyes

Destiny

I see your face in the sunrise everyday
I hear your voice on every melody
I feel your love with every breath i take
Destiny has brought you closer to me.....

Destiny has decided to bring our hearts together
Throughout the seasons
For whatever reason
Destiny has decided we belong to forever


taken from "kembar keempat" by Sekar Ayu Asmara

Free

To be free is to be yourself....

To change the world is to be yourself.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I got this in my sms inbox from a very dear friend of mine earlier today.
And, once again i am strengthened, every problem, conflicts, miscommunication, misunderstandings have a way out.


I have the tendency to please everybody, avoiding confrontations so not to waste unnecessary negative energy release. This is particularly for matters related to heart, family relations, friendships. Well, as for professional environment, i am a completely different person :D.


Thus, its been years of swallowing ego, outburst (although sometime i can't help not to though), again just for the sake of 'keeping peace'.
So, that keeping peace for everybody else, is making me not at peace..........
And means...i am not free.....to have enough guts to do/decide what i want to do, what i believe, because i am afraid it will not please everyone.....so i am not free....i am not happy....I am not myself....

Today....i decided.....i want to be free.....i want to be myself....to change the world, is to change myself..........

My loved ones.............i am sorry.......


ps: dw, thanks a lot.....!!! you know how grateful i am..its not the first time, will not be the last time either, i'll be needing one of your wisdom........

i am so proud of you......

fly

i will fly into your arms

and

be with you

till the end of time

aneh

Kereta baru saja berangkat, sebelahku kosong, rasanya aneh seharusnya kamu di sampingku

tight

'i love you...i love you' then you held me so tight like you would never let me go....

hearts and thoughts

i am with you always,
whenever we're apart like now
where i am there you will be
where you are there i will be
in our hearts and thoughts

cenut cenut

Seharusnya.....sibuk kerja, apalagi 'To Do List' ku masih berstatus OPEN smua (eh baru satu sih yang berhasil dikerjakan yaitu mengirimkan email Minutes of Meeting, 2 mins job hehe) , belum pindah status jadi DONE. Gak terlalu banyak sih sisanya (yah skitar 80% dr yang harus gue lakukan hari ini sihhhhh), tapi sampe jam 14.07 ini, baru file nya aja yang terbuka (kalo ini sih udah dr sejak sampai di kantor pagi tadi hihi)

Tentunya ini disebabkan oleh suasana menjelang liburan lebaran yang tinggal sebentar lagi (kayak lagu nih rhyme-nya)....plus, ntah kenapa 2 hari ini, gigi mulai cenut cenut....know the culprit already sih....emang gigi geraham pertama di bgn atas selalu bermasalah dari dulu. :( (sigh) Nyitnyit, my personal dentist pasti dah bosen ngutak ngatik gigi yang itu itu saja. Mbaaaknya, siap-siap!!! gue akan ke tempat loe asap!!

Then, your question would be! "Lah, loe ngapain aja dari pagi di kantor?"
Answer, yah selain menikmati cenut cenut gigiku ini, browsing2 lah yaaaaaa....begitu banyak yang harus dibaca di net, sampe bingung eh kelabakan....kebanyakan tab yang kubuka n belum tuntas semua dibaca hehhe....

Sedikit consolation supaya gak dibilang gak kerja sama skali, eh melakukan kegiatan yang ada hubungan dengan pekerjaan. Barusan si oom wong menanyakan soal setting config system, so yah ada guna sedikit lah otakku hari ini.

Harus segera.....berbuat sesuatu, yang berhubungan dgn 'TO DO List' tersebut tentunya!
Babe tadi telpon, katanya mau ke sini jam 4an...wataaaaahhh......semoga gak jadi dtg deh dia.
Lagian, si Lena ngajakin ngopi di Plangi tar jam 6, halaah...kburu gak yaa??? (mengingat kebijakan Bang Yos tentang system transportasi di JKT :(( ...i'll write my frustation about traffic in another post!)

Meanwhile.....seriously..lets get back to work!!

i am so happy

your hand never leaves mine
you said 'i am so happy tonight....i can't stop smiling with you by myside'

pure and true

cause i am kissing you

touch me here pure and true

where are you now?

Time After Time

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion -
Is nothing new
Flashback - warm nights -
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories,
Time after -

Sometimes you picture me -
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said -
Then you say - go slow -
I fall behind -
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time


After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows - you're wondering
If I'm O.K.
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time -


You said go slow -
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

Time after time

you whispered

you whispered 'i don't want you to let me go...aku gak mau kamu relain aku'

relakan

i can't take this...
i have to let you go......aku harus relakan kamu...

nothing new

lying here in my bed

the clock ticks

and i think of you

confusion is nothing new

Lord's Prayer

When i'm down and weary.....
and there's no energy left to say my prayers...
This is my only source of strength to get through the day.....


*********************************
Lord's Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses, As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever.
Amen.

Surat yang tak pernah sampai

One of talented Indonesian writer, Dee just published compilation of her short stories written in the last decade. Titled "Filosofi Kopi", of course attract my attention instantly (you'll know more about my passion for coffee).

I share this one story from the book. I'd say this is the most intense story, i was so carried away by the emotions and nuances.

Anyway...........hope you all will enjoy this.......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Surat yang tak pernah sampai (2001)

Suratmu itu tidak akan pernah terkirim, karena sebenernya kamu hanya ingin
berbicara pada dirimu sendiri. Kamu ingin berdiskusi dengan angin, dengan wangi sebelas tangkai sedap malam yang kamu beli dari tukang bunga berwajah memelas, dengan nyamuk-nyamuk yang cari makan, dengan malam, dengan detik jam….tentang dia.

Dia, yang tidak pernah kamu mengerti. Dia, racun yang membunuhmu perlahan. Dia, yang kamu reka dan kamu cipta.

Sebelah darimu mengingikan agar dia datang, membencimu hingga muak dia mendekati gila, menertawakan segala kebodohannya, kekhilafannya, untuk sampai jatuh hati padamu, menyesalkan magis yang hadir naluriah setiap kali kalian berjumpa. Akan kamu kirimkan lagi tiket bioskop, bon restoran, semua tulisannya – dari mulai nota sebaris sampai doa berbait-bait. Dan beceklah pipinya karena geli, karena asap dan abu dari benda-benda yang ia hanguskan – bukti-bukti bahwa kalian pernah saling tergila-gila – berterbangan masuk ke matanya. Semoga ia pergi dan tak pernah menoleh lagi. Hidupmu, hidupnya, pasti akan lebih mudah.

Tapi, sebelah dari kamu menginginkan agar dia datang, menjemputmu, mengamini kalian, dan untuk kesekian kali, jatuh hati lagi, segila-gilanya, sampai batas gila dan waras pupus dalama kesadaran murni akan Cinta. Kemudian mendamparkan dirilah kalian di sebuah lam tak dikenal untuk membaca ulang semua kalimat, mengenang setiap inci perjalanan, perjuangan, dan ketabahan hati. Betapa sebelah darimu percaya bahwa setetes air mata pun akan terhitung, tak ada yang mengalir mubazir, segalanya pasti bermuara di satu samudra tak terbatas, lautan merdeka yang bersanding sejajar dengan cakrawala…dan itulah tujuan kalian.

Kalau saja hidup tidak ber-evolusi, kalau saja sebuah momen dapat selamanya menjadi fosil tanpa terganngu, kalu saja kekuatan kosmik mampu stagnan di satu titik, maka…tanpa ragu kamu akan memilih satu detik bersamanya untuk diabadikan. Cukup satu.

Satu detik yang segenap keberadaannya dipersembahkan untuk bersamamu, dan bukan dengan ribuan hal lain yang menanti untuk dilirik pada detik berikutnya. Betapa kamu rela membatu untuk itu.

Tapi, hidup ini cari. Semesta ini bergerak. Realitas berubah. Seluruh simpul dari kesadaran kita berkembang mekar. HIdup akan mengikis apa saja yang memilih diam, memaksa ktia untuk mengikuti arus agungnya yang jujur tetapi penuh rahasia. Kamu, tidak terkecuali.

Kamu takut.

Kamu takut karena ingin jujur. Dan kejujuran menyudutkanmu untuk mengakui kamu mulai ragu.

Dialah bagian terbesar dalam hidupmu, tapi kamu cemas. Kata ‘sejarah’ mulai menggantung hati-hati di atas sana. Sejarah kalian. Konsep itu menakutkan sekali.

Sejarah memiliki tampuk istimewa dalam hidup manusia, tapi tidak lagi melekat utuh pada realitas. Sejarah seperti awan yang tampak padat berisi tapi ketika disentuk menjadi embun yang rapuh.

Skenario perjalanan kalian mengharuskanmu untuk sering menyejarahkannya, merekamnya, lalu memainkannya ulang di kepalamu sebagai Sang Kekasih Impian, Sang Tujuan, Sang Inspirasi bagi segala mahakarya yang termuntahkan ke dunia. Sementara dalam setiap detik yang berjalan, kalian seperti musafir yang tersesat di padang. Berjalan dengan kompas masing-masing, tanpa ada usaha saling mencocokan. Sesekali kalian bertemu, berusaha saling toleransi atas nama Cinta dan Perjuangan yang Tidak Boleh Sia-sia. Kamu sudah membayar mahal untuk perjalanan ini. Kamu pertaruhkan segalanya demi apa yang kamu rasa benar. Dan mencintainya menjadi kebeneran tertinggimu.

Lama baru kamu menyadari bahwa Pengalaman merupakan bagian tak terpisahkan dari hubungan yang diikat oleh seutas perasaan mutual.
Lama bagi kamu untuk berani menoleh ke belakang, menghidutng, berapa banyakkan pengalaman nyhata yang kalian alami bersama?

Sebuah hubungan yang dibiarkan tumbuh tanpa keteraturan akan menjadi hantu yang tidak menjejak bumu, dan alas an cinta yang tadinya diagungkan bisa berubah menjadi utang moral, investasi waktu, perasaan, serta perdagangan kalkulatif antara dua pihak.

Cinta butuh dipelihara. Bahwa di dalam sepak-terjangnya yang serba mengejutkan, cinta ternyata masih butuh mekanisme agar mampu bertahan.

Cintajangan selalu ditempatkan sebagai iming-iming besar, atau seperti ranjau yang tahu-tahu meledakkan-mu – entah kapan dan kenapa. Cinta yang sudah dipilih sebaiknya diikutkan di setiap langkah kaki, merekatkan jemari, dan berjalanlah kalian bergandengan…karena cinta adalah mengalami.

Cinta tidak hanya pikiran dan kenangan. Lebih besar, cinta adalah dia dan kamu. Interaksi. Perkembangan dua manusia yang terpantau agar tetap harmonis. Karena cinta pun hidup dan bukan Cuma maskot untuk disembah sujud.

Kamu ingin berhenti memencet tombol tunda. Kamu ingin berhenti menyumbat denyut alami hidup dan membiarkannya bergulir tanpa beban.

Dan kamu tahu, itulah yang tidak bisa dia berikan kini,

Hingga akhirnya….

Di meja itu, kamu dikelilingi tulisan tangannya yang tersisa (kamu baru sadar betapa tidak adilnya ini semua, Kenapa harus kamu yang kebagian tugas dokumentasi dan arsip, sehingga cuma kamulah yang tersiksa?).

Jangan heran kalau kamu menangis sejadi-jadinya.

Dia yang tidak pernah menyimpan gambar rupamu, pasti tidak tahu apa rasanya menatap lekat-lekat satu sosok, membayangkan rasa sentuh dari helai rambut yang polos tanpa busa pengeras, rasa hangat uap tubuh yang kamu hafal betul temperaturnya.

Dan kamu hanya bisa berbagi kesedihan itu, ketidakrelaan itu, kelemahan itu, dengan wangi bunga yang melangu, dengan nyamuk-nyamuk yang putus asa, dengan malam yang pasrah digusur pagi, dengan detik jam dinding yang gagu karena habis daya.

Sampai pada halaman kedua suratmu, kamu yakin dia akan akan paham, atau setidaknya setengah memahami, betapa sulitnya perpisahan yang dilakukan sendirian.

Tidak ada sepasang mata lain yang mampu meyakinkanmu bahwa ini memang sudah usai. Tidak ada kata, peluk, cium, atau langkah kaki beranjak pergi, yang mampu, menjadi penanda dramatis bahwa sebuah akhir telah diputuskan bersama.
Atau sebaliknya, tidak ada sergahan yang membuatmu berubah pikiran, tidak ada kata ‘jangan’ yang mungkin, apabila diucapkan dan ditindakkan dengan tepat, akan membuatmu menghambur kembali dan tak mau pergi lagi.
Kamu pun tersadar, itulah perpisahan paling sepi yang pernah kamu alami.

Ketika surat itu tiba di titiknya yang terakhir, masih akan ada sejumput kamu yang bertengger tak mau pergi dari perbatasan usai dan tidak usai. Bagian dari dirimu yang merasa paling bertanggung jawab atas semua yang sudah kalian bayarkan bersama demi mengalami perjalanan hati yang sedahsyat itu. Dirimu yang mini, tapi keras kepala, memilih untuk tidak ikut pergi bersama yang lain, menetap untuk terus menemani sejarah. Dan karena waktu semakin larut, tenagamu pun sudah menyurut, maka kamu akan membiarkan si kecil itu bertahan semaunya.

Mungkin, suatu saat, apabila sekelumit dirimu itu mulai kesepian dan bosan, ia akan berteriak-teriak ingin pulang. Dan kamu akan menjemputnya, lalu membiarkan sejarah membentengi dirinya dengan tembok tebal yang tak lagi bisa ditembus. Atau mungkin, ketika sebuah keajaiban mampu menguak kekeruhan ini, jadilah ia semacam mercusar, kompas, Bintang Selatan….yang menunjukkan jalan pulang bagi hatimu untuk, akhirnya, menemuiku.

Aku, yang merasakan apa yang kau rasakan. Yang mendamba untuk mengalami. Aku, yang telah menuliskan surat-surat cinta padamu. Surat-surat yang tak pernah sampai.