Everytime we say goodbye

Oh, Every time we say goodbye I die a little
Every time we say goodbye I wonder why a little
Why the gods above me who must be in the know
Think so little of me ,They allow you to go

And when you're near ,There's such an air of spring about it
I can hear a lark somewhere begin to sing about it ,There's no love song finer
But how strange the change from major to minor
Every time we say goodbye

I see the above image every weekday morning from our window, usually around 8.15 am. Ior and Toby starting out their day. And i can't help to feel 'sad' a little, seeing my little boy off to his 'second home' so early in the morning. As i have started work, we have to succumb to the option of sending Toby to full day school cum childcare. Whilst, Elsy is at home with our housekeeper cum nanny.

Never a day goes by without me feeling guilty about having to trust my children' s care to other people when i have to go to work. No, i am not going to rant why can't i quit my job and be a SAHM. Because we do have our reasons and considerations, and i am trying to be 'at peace' about it.

As consolation, Toby does becoming more independent, and his vocabulary is improving. Elsy is growing fine as well. Lord always keep and care for our children, we are equipped with good helper (though can be better at some things, well its very difficult to find a good one. It's like looking for a husband/wife hahaah).

Speaking of husband, i am blessed with a hands-on husband-father. Ior has been fantastic with our children, he bathes, he feeds, he plays, he sings, he tucks our babies, he does grocery, he bought me cranberry juice (so as to increase milk supply). He's not a man with many words, but i know he loves us through all things he's done. I love you my Kriwil.....

It's been a while since we are praying to God for a job that is flexible for me. Flexible in terms, i can work from home, flexible working hours. So that i can have more time with my children in their early golden years. However, till i write this note , i am still under payroll of my employer. When i think about the 'wants' i am asking God, actually i do have the 'benefit' of what i have been asking for in my present employer. I was a bit down, why is it so difficult for me to land a new job. Usually, either because of my notice period( i have to submit 2 months notice), they can't afford me, or my zero travelling tolerance.

Anyway, i have so much to be grateful for. Our Lord in heaven never abandons and we lives comfortably. May i always be reminded how blissful i am.

Still, i can't help not to feel 'die' a little when i see Toby's going to school and left Elsy at home when i off to work.

My darling pumpkin and munchkin, mommy loves you very much......

my world is Toby (and Kriwil of course, ilopu)

Lama banget gak ngeblog, biasa deh, waktu2 senggang gue selepas kerja, selepas merah asi, selepas ngurus2 rumah tangga, is Toby's. Plus, bapaknya Toby, sudah mewakili bercerita mengenai pertumbuhan dan keseharian Toby. heheh jadi malu akyu, kok malah Kriwil yang lebih rajin yak...biasanya kan, kalo tipikal ibu2 ngeblog, yang bercerita detil adalah ibunya :">

Anyway, Toby sudah 10.5 bulan sekarang, foto2 dan video update perkembangan bisa di liat di SINI. Toby sudah punya 8 gigi, berat sekitar 9.5 kg (gak tau persis, karena blum ke dokter lagi untuk imunisasi, Puji Tuhan, gak perlu ke dokter jg untuk gangguan kesehatan, tetap sehat selalu ya Nak). Tinggi skitar 72 ato 73 cm, agak susah jg ngukur dia, karena Toby pasti gerak sana sini mau jungkir balik. Sudah bisa berdiri sendiri, dan jongkok naik turun, merangkak cepet banget, sekarang lagi ngerembet2 tempat tidur untuk jalan. Yang terutama buat gue berbahagia banget jadi ibu, manjanya si Toby sama gue. Kalau gue di sekitar, pasti dia maunya sama gue, sampai harus gue bawa ke toilet, kebelet pipis, tapi kalo ditaruh ato dipegang orang lain teriak2 nangis dan tampang panik hihih.


Walaupun hati gue menjerit (taelaaaa), andaikan gue tetap bisa kerja dan at the same time be there full time with Toby. Ya wishful thinking, but i am working toward that arrangement. My Wish for 2010, (hopefully realized in first quarter 2010, ya realistis aja siyh hihih, kalo 1 januari 2010 kayanya blum bisa) gue bisa kerja dari rumah,ke kantor mungkin 1-2 hari seminggu or as needed untuk meeting penting. NGAREPDOTCOM banget yak :D :P. Yah agak syulit sih, but gue pikir hal ini bisa dilakukan. Dimana gue tetep eksis di dunia kerjaan gue, walaupun dengan konsekuensi role dan possibly income yang less dari sekarang (but please dont ...paling gak teteeep hihihih). Anyone, ada yang bisa refer gue untuk arrangement work from home ini di singapore kah??? japri me please :)

Beberapa bulan terakhir ini , dengan berbagai peran yang dijalankan sebagai istri, ibu, anak, menantu, sahabat, teman, rekan kerja. Gue lebih banyak terpapar dan belajar untuk lebih menata hati, menata tutur dan tingkah laku, menata emosi, bijak dan kepala dingin menghadapi berbagai situasi yang tidak ideal. Keep the faith, because God will show us the way, and God will reveal what is the truth and what's best for us in HIS Time.

Beberapa hari yang lalu, dapet artikel di milis mengenai approach 10-10-10. Saat kita dihadapi dengan situasi yang sulit, coba kita pertimbangkan impact/efek yang terjadi dalam waktu 10 hari ke depan, 10 bulan ke depan, 10 tahun ke depan untuk setiap action/keputusan yang kita buat. So, hopefully kita bisa buat keputusan/pilihan yang tepat. Not bad nih approach, ya gue coba terapkan ke dalam keseharian gue jg.

Anyway, gue ngantuk....tadi jam 11 sih dah tarik selimut, tapi gak bisa tidur. 2 minggu ini, nyokap gue berkunjung ke Singapore, senang beliau datang, kangen masakan beliau, dan bersih2nya, walau kadang suka irritating jg sih hihihi, ya that's her way to show her love and care. Mami jg bisa spend time sama Toby, terakhir waktu kami ke indonesia pertengahan tahun ini gak banyak waktu main dengan Toby, karena bokap gue almarhum belum lama berpulang and she went through a lot. And gue cukup lega dan happy, saat ini Mami mampu menjalani hari2nya dengan lebih ceria dan positif. Walau, kadang kuatir karena beliau tinggal sendirian.

Despite my up and down relationship with her, now as i try to be more patience and put myself in her position, i can started to comprehend and understand what she did/went through (although banyak jg yang blum dipahami siyh hehe). Tokh, bukan untuk dipahami, tapi untuk diterima. Acceptance leads to peace and happiness, while expectation (too much of it, does not mean cannot expect) reduces happiness. Dah dulu ya, udah hampir jam 2, dan dalam 4-5 jam ke depan, anakku tersayang bakalan udah berdiri di cotnya, di samping bantal gue.....:)

Toby 3 bulan

Tak terasa sudah Toby sudah 3 bln pada 14 April 2009. Postingan yang telat diupload, harap maklum teman2, karena kesibukan dengan berpulangnya Papiku, Opanya Toby dan kami pindahan rumah pada minggu yang sama.

Sabtu 18 April kemarin,

Toby jadwal imunisasi Pneumococal. Per sabtu kemarin, berat Toby 6.315 kg, panjang 60 cm , dan lingkar kepala 40 cm.

Setelah imunisasi, gue dan Toby ajak Ibu mertuaku ke IKEA. Beliau senang sekali disana, karena barang2 yang unik dan menarik. Kriwil sih pulang ke rumah, males dia ikutin inang2 keliling2 heheheh. Akhirnya jadi malah belanja2 buat dekor rumah baru deh hehehehe.

Hari Minggunya, Toby rewel banget, walau tidak sampai demam, efek dari imunisasi mungkin. Kasian deh, males minum, ditidurin gak betah, ditegakin rewel juga

Thank God, tadi pagi Toby bangun dengan ceria dan sudah tertawa2 lagi

Sebentar lagi Toby tengkurap, belakangan ini dia sudah memiring2kan badan dan kakinya. Makin sering tertawa dan bertingkah lucu. Rumah kami jadi benar2 menyenangkan dengan hadirnya Toby.

God bless you my darling.... Mommy and Daddy loves you very much.